126.1 hours played
Written 10 days ago
Citizens of the free-ish world,
I don’t know how to tell you this gently, so I’ll just go ahead and throw a car at your face and dance in a banana suit:
Saints Row IV: Re-Elected is what happens when Grand Theft Auto takes a shot of espresso, crashes into a superhero comic, and then explodes into dubstep while humping the American flag.
I love it. I hate myself for loving it. And I’m going to do it again.
🏛️ You’re the President. And Also a God.
This game doesn’t ask you to earn power. It launches you into it headfirst with a giant middle finger, a rocket launcher, and the moral restraint of a raccoon in a candy store.
You're the President of the United States. Earth gets destroyed in the first 20 minutes. No one votes for you after that, but it doesn’t matter, because you now have superpowers and pants are optional.
🦸 Superpowers? In My Open-World Crime Game?
Absolutely. And not just any superpowers. You run faster than cars. You jump like the Hulk after leg day. You throw fireballs, ice blasts, telekinetic dumpsters, and moral ambiguity with equal enthusiasm.
Guns? Still here.
Cars? Still here.
Need them? No.
Use them anyway? Yes, because this is America.
👾 Plot? Aliens. Matrix. Guns. Freedom.
Zinyak—giant alien overlord, voice like Shakespeare, attitude like your snootiest college professor—invades Earth and tosses you into a simulation.
You respond by breaking physics, blowing up reality, and becoming the glitchiest god-king the world never asked for but absolutely deserves.
The story is so far off the rails it wrapped back around and hit the train again.
There’s betrayal. Romance. An entire mission where you save your best friend from 2D sprite hell.
And yes—you do get to punch a politician in the face while Metal blares in the background.
🔊 Soundtrack: Weapons-Grade Nostalgia
At one point, you're freefalling through an alien mothership while “I Need A Hero” blasts at full volume.
Another time, you're killing people with a dubstep gun that makes corpses dance to wubs.
This game has more musical tone shifts than a karaoke night hosted by Deadpool, and every single one of them slaps.
🔧 Gameplay: Chaos, Cheeseburgers, and Cat Suits
The side missions are varied:
Stop a tank invasion.
Fight a man who thinks he’s a toilet.
Romance your crewmates like it's Mass Effect, but everyone’s drunk and has laser weapons.
Jump over the tallest building in the city because you can.
Clothing options range from "business casual" to "alien pimp toboggan." There is no wrong way to save the galaxy when you’re wearing leopard print and rollerblades.
⚠️ Criticism? Sure, Let’s Pretend We Care
Yes, the city is recycled from SR3.
Yes, the enemies become repetitive.
Yes, side content can blur into “throw fireball at thing until it explodes.”
But have you tried suplexing an alien in a ballgown while Aretha Franklin plays?
Exactly. Your argument is invalid.
📜 Final Executive Order
Saints Row IV: Re-Elected is not about balance. Or taste. Or restraint.
It is about absolute, unhinged power delivered with a grin, a punchline, and a giant purple baseball bat.
It is the most gloriously stupid power fantasy in video game history.
And somehow, it still manages to say something heartfelt about friendship, loyalty, and sticking it to the space fascists.
Final Judgment: 1776/10
Would destroy the Earth again if it meant I got to wear a cape and powerbomb Zinyak off the Lincoln Memorial.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a country to re-invade.
And a dubstep gun to reload.